There's a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered
by meticulous-skittlez
Summary: A PATD songfic. Six months after Jake Ryan publicly humiliated Miley and blew her secret, she's reappearing stronger than ever. with a new and improved boyfriend and career, she's got a messsage she intends to make very clear: She's the new cancer


**A/N: I'm writing my first songfic to one of my favorite songs. **

* * *

**There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet**

Miley

Miley sat on her bed getting ready to go to her first Hollywood benefit as Miley Stewart, something she thought would never happen until the day she broke up with Jake Ryan

_Flashback, 6 months ago_

_Miley stepped out of the limo at the premiere of Jake Ryan's new movie,_ Zombie High: The Movie. _Jake took her hand as they made their way to the red carpet. 'Great,' thought Miley.'The red carpet. Just the thing I tried to get away from by creating Hannah Montana so I wouldn't have to deal with it.Yet, here I stand, as plain old Miley Stewart, I'm still in front of the camera, for the world to see.' As she and Jake made their way, a paparazzo called out her name. . . or what was supposed to be her name._

_"Milky! Milky! Over here! What's up with you and the zombie slayer?" She turned to say something, but Jake came to the rescue for the poor unsuspecting man before she beat his face into a bloody pulp. _

_"Her name's Miley, and like we've both said a bazillion times before, she's my girlfriend." Miley rolled her eyes and scowled as she pulled Jake down the carpet the rest of the way, until Jake stopped at the front door._

_"Miley! What's up with you?"_

_"I'm tired of all this! I can barely stand it when I'm 'you know who'.This is the whole reason I created her, so I wouldn't have to deal with this 24/7. Now I'm getting all this attention for being Miley, and that defeats the whole purpose!" Jake pulled her roughly into a dark corner._

_"You'd think you'd be used to it after being 'you know who' for so long." Miley stepped out into the flashing lights again._

_"That's only two or three days out of the week, and the other days, I'm just Miley. So sorry if I'm more used to living a normal life and not being an arrogant, stuck up, obnoxious actor!!" Jake looked at her, his eyes filled with frustration._

_"Maybe I should date 'you know who' instead." _

_"'That doesn't help anything! What makes you think she wants to date you?!"_

_"Well 'you know who' needs to make up her mind, does she want to be famous or not?"_

_" She is famous! Just because she's not an arrogant, self centered, jackass doesn't mean that she doesn't want to be! Are you mentally challenged? You two obviously don't have the same idea of famous!" Then, Jake did the unthinkable. Right in front of the paparrazzi and all the bystanders, he slapped her with a loud smack, and suddenly,everyone was silent. Miley thought the worst was over, until Jake opened his stupid mouth again._

_"Oh yeah, and Miley, since you're having so much trouble making up your mind, let me help you." He turned to the crowd gathered around them, but not before seeing Miley's eyes fill with dread._

_"Hey everyone," Jake yelled, getting the crowd's attention, " You see my _ex_- girlfriend here? Miley? Yeah. She's not who she says she is. see, on her off days, she likes to put on a blond wig and prance around a stage as Hannah Montana." Jake imitated Miley/Hannah's dancing and singing. That was the last straw. Miley walked up to him with tears in her eyes, and punched in the jaw, making a loud CRACK and watching his cheek puff up, then ran as fast as she could, drowning out the paparazzi questions with her sobs. She didn't get far before her tears ran until they blurred her vision and she ran straight into someone._

_"Sorry" she mumbled to the person, and began to leave, but something caught hold of her elbow. It just happened to be his hand._

_"Wait." She wiped her eyes, and looked up at no other than Derek James, lead singer of everyone's favorite band, Boys Next Door. He looked down at her red and puffy eyes, and Miley felt embarrassed._

_"Is it true? You know, that you're Hannah Montana?" Miley considered denying it, but knew that it was no use. Her secret was out, and there was nothing she could do about it. Of course Derek, one of Hannah's best friends, was probably going to hate her, but oh well. She looked him in the eye and nodded, bracing herself for a negative reaction. Instead, he enveloped her in a hug. Miley was confused._

_"You mean, you're not mad at me?"_

_"Of course not. Actually I wish I would have thought of that myself. I could have been called Bucky Kentucky or something." He smiled at Miley, who smiled back._

_"Buck Kentucky? I'm glad you didn't!" she said, laughing._

_"Well, maybe not that, but you know what I mean." Miley looked at her watch. _

_"Aren't you going to the premiere?"_

_"Nah, it's not my type of movie anyway. What about you?"_

_"Um, hello? I just got in a fight with the star, remember?"_

_"Last time heard, there were two stars." He was right. The movie was starring Hannah Montana as well._

_"Yeah well, not for long, after everyone finds out the truth."_

_"Why would that be?"_

_"Because, Hannah Montana is supposed to be a role model, and now everyone found out that she's been lying to the world about who she really is."_

_"You'd think with all those songs they would know."_

_"Well, little kids aren't the crunchiest tortilla chips in the plate of nachos." Derek looked at her funny._

_"What, I'm hungry. And now I want some nachos." Derek took her hand as they began walking._

_"Well then, Taco Bell it is."_

_"You got it, D- Dog." He turned to her, a horrified expression on his face._

_"Don't. You. Ever. Call Me That. Again. Please." Miley rolled her eyes._

_"Whatever."_

**Miley **

Miley smiled, remembering that night. She and Derek walked to Taco Bell and ate Nachos and talked all night. The next day, once word got out, he came to her house to comfort her while Lilly and Oliver were busy. Derek helped her through the whole thing, offering her support and kind words, making them closer than ever. Her fans and the general public were more angry at Jake than her, and eventually, the people forgave her and she continued singing, but as Miley Stewart, not Hannah Montana. Her acting career also flourished, and some would say she replaced Jake Ryan as teen sensation. After her first concert in a year, Miley and Derek decided to take their relationship to the next level, and began to date. A year later, they were still going strong, and she never spoke to Jake again.

_Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.  
From that moment you'll be out of place and underdressed.  
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.  
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...  
_  
So here Miley was, stepping out on the red carpet looking like a million bucks with a new and improved boyfriend on her arm. This time, Miley was ready for what was sure to happen.

_When you're in black slacks with accentuating, off-white, pinstripes  
Whoa, everything goes according to plan.  
_  
As soon as she stepped out of the tinted black SUV, a million camera flashes went off. she and Derek walked down the carpet, pausing only to take pictures, and ignoring every question thrown their way. They opened the door, and walked inside, where all eyes were instantly on them. They obviously were the best looking people at the benefit. Miley's eye's scanned the room, looking for one specific person. She saw him in the middle of a group of people who were previously talking to him, but now were looking at her and Derek. He had an annoyed look on his face. When his eyes reached mine, I smiled a victory smile and waved. Derek nodded curtly, and they walked to their seats and sat down, all eyes on them, until the benefit began.

_I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it.  
Because you say so under your breath.  
You're reading lips "When did he get all confident?"  
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?  
Never looked better, and you can't stand it!_

**Jake**

Jake couldn't stand it. Why was Miley getting all the attention? He was the hot, funny, single one. No matter what he did, everyone focused back on Miley. Whenever he would tell a joke, no one would laugh. Whenever she would accidentally say something stupid like 'Oh sweet niblets!' or '(insert person here) say what?!', everyone would laugh as if she just told the funniest joke in the history of the universe. When Miley was with him as Miley, she was always quiet and kind of shy around everyone, even though she'd met them all as Hannah. This Miley here was just being her self and everyone loved it. The fact that she looked stunning didn't help, either. When did she get all confident?  
When Miley dropped her napkin and Nick picked it up and returned it to her lap for her, causing a whole new round of 'aww' and 'how cute', Jake had had enough. He slid out of his seat and walked into the hotel lobby and pushed open the door and walked up to the mirror above the sinks. He felt like crap. His dwindling acting career left his money tight, so while everyone else made these big donations, he didn't donate any money. Everyone probably thought he was cheap and greedy, and this tacky Men's Wearhouse suit made him look like a piece of shit. It was way too big and the sleeves were too long to look acceptable. He looked himself in the eye, almost letting a tear escape.  
_  
Next is a trip to the, the ladies room in vain, and  
I bet you just can't keep up with, (keep up) with these fashionistas, and  
Tonight, tonight you are, you are a whispering campaign.  
I bet to them your name is "Cheap", I bet to them you look like shh..._

"You're Jake freakin' Ryan! You don't need anyone but yourself and you look good no matter how tacky your suit is because you could look good in a potato sack!" He wasn't convincing himself. He looked down at the table were a cigarette box lay open full of cigarettes. He decided against it since he would come out smelling like smoke and Miley probably laced it with some kind of chemical so that when he lit it, he'd burst into flames. It was pretty obvious that Miley was out to get him, even if he was the only one who realized it.

_Talk to the mirror, oh, choke back tears.  
And keep telling yourself that "I'm a diva!"  
Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box on the table,  
they just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin._

Jake took a deep breath and headed back out to the room.

**Miley**

Miley looked at the doorway and saw Jake walk back in. _'So he didn't manage to blow himself up or get kicked out for smoking in the bathroom at a benefit for lung cancer. Great. Now I'll just have to work a little harder'_, she thought. She stood up and surreptitiously walked over to the punch bowl and pulled out a flask of Grey Goose. she poured the entire container in and mixed it, while smirking at an unsuspecting Jake. Then she walked over to Jake, punch in hand, the fakest smile ever cemented on her face.

"Jake, I know we've had our differences in the past, but I want to forget all about that, and start all over. Truce?" she asked, holding out the punch to Jake. He looked at her suspiciously, then took the punch and downed it. She smiled even harder.  
_  
And I know, and I know, it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up.  
I've never been so surreptitious, so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch!  
_  
"Hey, this is good punch." he said, and walked over to the punch bowl to gt some more. Miley smiled as she watched Jake stand at the punch bowl the whole night, getting drunker and drunker. By the time the benefit was over, Jake was a babbling fool, obviously drunk. Of course, when Jake came to, he would know what she had done, but who would believe him? After all, _she _was the new Cancer.

* * *

I hoped you liked reading this story as much as I liked writing it!

-PeACe,

CALIoliOxeNfREe!


End file.
